I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
