Kiss
Puke
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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