Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
