Yo dont text me then not text me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
