mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
