Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
