South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
