Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
