If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
