Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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