Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
