I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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