I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
