Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just google imaged poop.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
