i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
