as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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