some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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