I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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