ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
