Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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