walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
