a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I will die if light touches me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
