Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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