I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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