i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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