The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
