if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
