have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
