i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
