I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
