I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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