Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
