hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
