She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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