Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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