you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
