i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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