if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
