I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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