Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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