I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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