Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
