Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
