I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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