While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize