this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
