I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I skipped work to stalk him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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