I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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