It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
