2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
