Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
