this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
