I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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