Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
