3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
