My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
