Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
