im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
